It’s Now or Never

Leaving the country to pursue my passions

There comes a time in life, when one has to stop living for other people and start living for themselves. For some, it happens later in life, typically about half-way through. The bold, have always had the courage to live for themselves. And for some unfortunate souls, they never get to that point in life – for as long as they live. As for me, it took me until my late 20s to come to my crossroads. The ‘aha’ moment could have come earlier, sure, but it definitely could have came to me later in my life. And for that, I am thankful.

What I am leaving to pursue and why

I am kicking off New Years the best way I know how: with drastic change. I will be traveling to Southeast Asia to backpack and document the countries of Thailand, Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia. Just me and my camera. Long-term travel is something that I have always been drawn to. Some might call this a quarter-life crisis, but this is honestly something I have always wanted to do. I can’t exactly put my finger to it, but it was probably around the time I saw Eurotrip(2004). Just kidding. Kind of. However, over the more recent years, I have developed a passion for photography. I have really leaned into the craft over the past year, and traveled across the entire state of Oklahoma and beyond, with my camera, seeing things I have never seen before.

Something interesting happened during this time. It was on these weekend trips that I came to a conclusion. For me, there is no shortage of joy or inspiration than by simply wandering around the new and unknown – with my camera in hand. When I started really getting into photography, my older passion of world travel came to light again. I wanted to do what I was doing in Oklahoma, only on a bigger scale. This realization is when everything sort of came together and I knew what my next move had to be. Spoiler alert: a one-way ticket to Bangkok was purchased soon after.

What led me to this point

For anyone who knows me, this might seem like a drastic, change. Some might even call it desperate. I was raised in, and have always lived, a seemingly conventional life. Growing up in the middle of the United States, in a quiet suburb, there is a certain way of life that you are exposed to. Go to school, get a job, get married, have kids and buy the white picket fence. It’s a tale as old as time.

Disclaimer: I am not taking a shot at ‘the system’ or anyone who lives this way. In fact, my life would have been way easier up to this point if I could live this way.

In fact, for years I tried to convince myself for years that the conventional route was the path for me. I went to school to study business with the goals of having fun, getting an education and, most importantly, securing a high-paying job so I could start the rest of my life. Thankfully, I got everything that I ever wanted. I met the best of friends, rarely went more than a few days without a late night, and got “my dream job” in a DFW high-rise. I remember my first day, in my new suit, going up 30-something stories to my office, great view included, thinking: Mission: Accomplished.

In 23 years of life, I had never been more wrong than I was that day.

Over the next 6 months, things really started to change. It’s not that I didn’t like what I was doing, I hated it. I saw the rest of my life in front of me, and didn’t like what I saw. This led me to quit the life I always thought I wanted and go on a life-changing road trip around the US. I knew back then, what I know now. I knew what is what it was I wanted, but just didn’t listen. It was whispers instead of screams. Shortly after the trip, I was sucked back into a “super cool” tech job. The job was located in an awesome city that is Scottsdale, Arizona. After all, I was just in the wrong job and in the wrong city, that’s why I was so unhappy before. It is amazing the lies you can tell yourself. While this stint did last longer than the previous one, I don’t have to tell you how it turned out. In fact, I was on schedule to repeat the insanity with a relocation to Hollywood to work in the entertainment industry. Again, it was just the wrong job and the wrong city right? This was March of 2020.

The best thing that came out of the pandemic was coming home. What would have been more of the same in LA, was fortunately cancelled until further notice. I had been out in the world for a few years, and was able to come home and reflect. There is something about the intersection of the person you used to be, that comes back while at home, and the person you have become. You are able to cut out the fat, and really see yourself and who you are and who you want to become. Surrounded by family and old friends, I was able to slowly listen to that little voice inside my head more than I had ever before. The whispers started turning into screams. Motivation to pick up old hobbies, travel, and to simply experience life hit me like a freight train. The last two and a half years feel like a blur between: working for the family business, a short stint in film school, traveling across the state and country, all while taking pictures all along the way. The inspiration and support of being back home gave me to courage to take the next step in my life. It is bittersweet that my future will require me to leave indefinitely.

If I don’t do this now, I never will

There is not a time in my life, past, present or future that makes more sense to travel the world than now. I am at a unique position in my life in that I have absolutely no commitments. Other than an office plant that I forget to water, my only responsibilities are to clothe, feed and house myself. That’s it. It’s funny, most people experience their responsibilities go up through their 20s, while mine have actually decreased. Finding a partner, buying a house, paying off debt, and, last but not least, children – all of these things force you to double down on your life and truly commit. You don’t have a choice. In the future – I know that I will have some, if not all, of these responsibilities in my life. Down the road, I won’t have the option of selling all my things and wandering around the globe for an vague amount of time. But I have the freedom now and would be a fool to not take advantage.

It’s actually more risky to not pursue your passions 

I let fear dictate my life for a long time. There is at least a million and one times I have tried to talk myself out of leaving. After all, there is no doubt that there is some inherent risk to what I am doing. There’s the obvious one – financial. Not just the cost of doing this trip but the opportunity cost of lost income, investing, and future compounded growth for my retirement. See? My finance degree did teach me something. There is the risk of missing out or losing personal relationships. Missing birthdays, weddings, funerals and even the ordinary and mundane events with the people could have a negative impact on your relationship with people. Then there’s the obvious risk of traveling abroad in unfamiliar countries and places. Something could happen to me. Foreign prisons, robberies, identity theft, serious injury, etc. Although extremely unlikely, I can’t act like it’s not possible.

While all these things are indeed risks, I can’t help but think to myself: is there anything truly worth doing in life doesn’t have some form of risk? Risk and reward are directly correlated. All these things are risky, but to me they aren’t the real risk. The real risk on the table would be if I didn’t do this, and that would be the certainty of regret. Regret is something that has kept many people up at night, and have no doubt led people to early graves. In the grand scheme of life, the biggest risk that any of us undertakes is living a life full of regret.

It may not work out, but I know I won’t regret this

Will this new life plan “work out”. No clue. I would love for nothing more than for travel, photography, and writing to somehow pay the bills. I mean, who wouldn’t? However, nothing is guaranteed in life and nobody really knows what the future will hold. There have been a lot more talented and creative people than me that have never been able to support themselves with their passions. What keeps my fear and anxiety at bay is that I know that I will never regret traveling the world, betting on myself, and giving it all I have. I will become a better traveler, photographer, writer and, most importantly, a better person than I was before.

Life is just too short

As I went from my mid-20s to my late 20s, I realized life was not slowing down, it was actually speeding up. I know that the day I turn 40, that today will feel like yesterday. While this was frightening to think about at first, it was actually inspiring the more I thought about it. I began to take control of my life and think about what really makes me happy. Funny enough, I started to think about what I didn’t want in life, more than I thought of what I wanted. My conclusion was that I knew that I had to make a change and had to readjust. The truth is that I don’t know exactly what I want. I am following my heart and letting the rest figure itself out. Life is too short not to at least try. Sometimes you just have to go with your gut and stop overthinking. 

Not being able to commit to anything until I do this

When I say that I have to do this, it is not hyperbole. This calling is so strong that I cannot move on with my life until I give it a shot. It sounds crazy, but for years I have been unable to commit to really anything in my life. Be it careers, cities, relationships, getting a pet, buying a house, etc., I just haven’t been able to lay down proper roots and commit to anything long-term. I have barely even put things on my walls and decorated my living arrangements. Not to sound too pompous, but subconsciously, I think I knew deep-down that this day would come.

What to expect and how to follow along

Do I know exactly when I am getting back from Asia? No. Do I know what life holds for me once I get back? No. For the first time in my life I am not thinking 10 moves ahead. I am going to focus on the present and keep it simple. I have truly never felt more alive and look forward to sharing my experiences with you. 

One Love,

Nathan